Thursday, March 10, 2011

When you feel like NOTHING works....

Hubbie for Christmas nine years ago bought me a puppy. Awwwwwww...

I had a six month old baby, it was cold, the puppy hated going potty in the snow....OH and did I mention it was DEAF? My husband bought me a DEAF eight week old Boston Terrier. SERIOUSLY!
Merry Friggin' Christmas!!!
Imagine trying to train, shout at, and keep a puppy from chewing your baby’s earlobes off….When it CAN'T hear you.
Remember how I said "All things are preparatory", yeah, meet Scooby. Now just cause Parenting Scooby is like trying to train that Deaf Puppy, doesn't mean I get to find him a Nice new family, with a great big fenced yard.
(might work, but I like Scoobs, LOVE SCOOBS, and can't imagine my crazy life with out him.

*Disclaimer* I don't talk about my kids behaviors to tattle on them, NO WAY. When I was desperate, out of my mind scared that I would not be able to figure out how to reach my kids, the Mama's that gave examples, told the truth about their kids behaviors, were the ones that helped me the most, HELPED MY KIDS the most...and also helped me feel not so alone. Most the *stuff* I share here on this blog, is the tip of a HUGE Ice-burg, some stuff is too private. O.K. back to my rambling*

I had a 120 day review with my kiddo's therapist today. Nothing too shocking; sad, disappointing, eye-opening and even HOPEFUL, but no shockers.

(Papillion was triggered ALL day, worried about what we were talking about, but that is a whole other post)

Scoobs therapist has been working on teaching Scoobs the Anger Cycle and "Needs" vs. "Wants".
What worries both her and I, is Scoobs had NO IDEA about something he wants, couldn't name a SINGLE thing. He got that NEEDS keep us ALIVE, but Wants, eh...nothing. WEIRD right?

I feel guilty that I have taken too much away for him to really value anything,” Mom’s going to take it anyway", what the point of wanting anything. YIKES! I can see that way of thinking for the poor guy, and I feel SICK.

My mind reviews the times I have bought something he really wanted and used it as a proverbial carrot (it's all about the carrots today anyway)
to get him to make his bed for one week straight, he can't and I mean CAN'T do it. The thing eventually goes up in my closet saved as a gift.
Sticker Charts DO.NOT.WORK. He doesn't want to be consistent, he doesn't want to do what I want, or ask him to do. OUCH (but oh soo true)

I am worried some of it is the Basic "Love and Logic" tools I used with him in the beginning. In the last two years, it just feels like we are drowning, losing this beautiful lil guy to ANGER. If Scoobs gets in trouble, you might as well hand him a shovel.
A snotty remark, turns into a time out, a time out turns into a screaming match/thrown chair. An escort to his room means he comes out, to throw more stuff. Holding the bedroom door, equals a trashed room, more holes in the door, and a possible broken window.... and this folks will last ALL NIGHT LONG. You can take "things" away (I have garbage bags full of stuff I hoped he could "earn back"), offer grounding, from T.V., freinds, THE.CHILD.DOES.NOT.CARE.

What do you do when you feel like NOTHING works?
IMPROVISE, be silly,, be OUTLANDISH, don't engage in the battle...(sure listen to the woman that forgets that everyday...and beats herself up later about it, cause lets be honest, the grounding, a bum paddle, even holding that stupid door, while your kid rages, makes YOU (the parent) “feel better”, justified, in control, but. Is. It. WORKING?

Today a simple thing, we are waiting in the van, and Bugs announces that Scoobs didn't eat his carrots from his packed lunch. (Girlfriend can be a bit of a tattle-tale)...I can FEEL Scoobs jaw jut out, I don't even HAVE to see we go.
"I HATE CARROTS and YOU can't make me EAT them, even IF you put them in my lunch sooo there".

I pound my hand on the horn and say "THAT'S GREAT!!!! I don't really want you to eat your carrots anyway, I just put them in there for a test and you passed, way to go Scoobs, A+!!!"

"Whaaa?” says the Scoobs.

"Yeah, see, Carrots are good for your eyes, so you know, if your are blind by the time you are a teenager, that is one less kid I have to worry about driving my car, so it's cool, Bugs or Chatter can drive you around."

"PLEASE DON'T EAT THOSE CARROTS!, don't do it, they are POISEN"!

Scoobs is grinning; P.B. asks if he can eat his brother’s carrots.
Scoobs says "NO WAY” and opens his lunch and is eating those baby carrots with GUSTO.

The whole time I am yelling "NOOOOOOOOOOOO don't eat them! Don't do it!!!"

I had a brain child the other day, and it has worked a little better than nothing. (and sometimes folks that is how things are gauged in my life)...

He HATES being told "what to do" I have a reminder board, a white board on posted on the wall, in the hallway outside of his bedroom, with his daily to-do's.(So he is NOT singled out, it has everyone’s “jobs” on there)

* This is how it looks now, cause "we" were not happy with the initial idea. I have not fixed it (though the OCD in me cringes every time I walk past it) to him that would mean that it bothered me. I figure if it was for him and not me, I shouldn't care what it looks like.
I DON'T have to ask, and the deal is.... he has ALL DAY to do them....and if he doesn’t...he is woken up earlier in the morning to get them done before school (cause SCOOBS LOVES SCHOOL)....and Dad is home in the morning (so the battle is not with ME his nemesis).I call that taking care of myself! :0) How BIG is Lindsay? Sooo BIG!

Now we still have RAGES, and since we are dealing with a Sensory disorder as well...after a major-grand-maul-tantrum, this is what we do, He. Shuts. DOWN....and will not be woken for anything...

.......and I mean anything... (Ignore the angry elf in time out)
I have to be grateful he has a coping mechanism that works for him, because the lil man above does not, other than constant crying.
It is long HARD days. I do cry, often....but ya know...later today when P.B. and Cookie *tried* to write their names in PEE in Snow in my front yard...
...and while supervising their time-ins with Mama... Chatter locked my keys, my pug puppy and Scobbies diabetic kit in the van...Praying Penelope used the potty BEFORE being locked in..and that she does not eat Scoobs kit...BEST DAY EVER!

...and I have laughed until I cried today (almost wet my pants, but that is not saying much)....
have you? Be silly, cause as Christine would say...SOMETIMES "YOU GOTTA OUT CRAZY THE CRAZY"!



  1. hi! new reader here - backtracked from your info on Christine's site. Drop by mine... friend me on FB (see my site)... trauma mamas gotta stick together. :-)
    My story's on my site but - 2 bio, 21 & 16; 4 adopted, 23, 21, 20, 16. Beyond Consequences works! Love it, love it, love it. :-)

    Kathleen Benckendorf

  2. I can't believe it worked with the carrots!!!!!!!!!!! That is hysterical!
    Honey, I'm worn out just reading your post. What an 'adventure' huh?
    Good job momma!

  3. Thanks Kathleen! I will check your sight out!

    Erika! I am tired! LOL...I suprised too!
    Have a great weekend!

  4. love the line "at them with GUSTO" while youre yelling noooooo! i can just picture it. great idea! i always tell my NT 7 year old that carrots help you see but never thought of the "well if youre blind as a teen..." lol awesome!