Monday, March 14, 2011

The Art of Letting go....

Every other Sunday since November 19, 2009, Hubs or I take Faith to the prison to visit her beautiful mother. We have come to love her Mama, almost as much we love this little angel that has blessed our home for the last sixteen months. There are not words for the gratitude I have in my heart for the blessing and honor it has been to love, care for and adore this precious girl.

People thought we were crazy when we offered to take a baby born from the prison, true.
People thought we were even crazier when we said that the plan was to reunite her with her Mother, probably.
Most of all, people worried about my tender heart being broken, also very true.

But. Every time I look at that lil’ munchkin’s face, she puckers and asks for a kiss, or giggling reaches out for me…I think of this quote.

“It is not a slight thing when those so fresh from God love us.”
-- Dickens

and this baby, is, maybe sent directly from the arms of God, like a salve for our family.
We all adore her, spoil her revel in her smiles, and charm. Such a sweet gift.

Faith came to us at three hours old; bless her poor empty Mama’s arms and heart.
I wasn’t sure how bonding would go, and was afraid to let myself love her completely.
It wasn’t hard. Neither I, nor my husband knew how deeply we would fall in love, and how so easy it would be.

We chose to love this baby, keep her the entirety of her Mothers sentence, Foster that relationship, because….this is ONE CHANCE I get to see how healing that bond before it could break, might save this little girl from the same pain, same trauma my own babies deal with every single day, and that is a very HEALING, very wonderful, and miraculous opportunity.

So Faith will be going Home soon. Leaving the only home she has known, but going home to her mother in the next three weeks. The transition will be slow and gentle for her. She will live close, and I will give free Childcare while her Mother is at work. Sounds silly to say “free childcare” when she has been my baby, my children’s little sister since before we were all together as a family.

Faith came in November, and then in January the Earthquake happened. In three months, I went from a Mother of three, to one of nine. Faith was the easiest part.

So let’s be honest. My heart is ripping, crying, aching, wanting to run away to Mexico or Canada to stay off the pain. It is also rejoicing jumping for the happiness and love I feel for Faith to be reunited with her Mom. Grateful for the beautiful thing we got to do for a stranger, and the precious gift we were able experience for a short time.

Faith has been such an incredible reminder that all of our children are on precious loan from our Heavenly Father. Some are easier to love than others, some come with more challenges, but all still a gift, a precious loan, a reminder of his love and patience for us.

So if someone could PLEASE, come teach me this art, the art of letting this little one go.
Cause right now it hurts and feels really yucky.
I know this may just be practice for when I too watch the other eight spread there wings someday and leave the nest…but THIS. IS. HARD.
This is a good hard, but still really, really REALLY not fun, and scary and hard.

I am grateful. I am blessed to have had this baby touch my life. I have learned so much. Now letting go, may be my biggest lesson yet.

Love, Linds


  1. My heart is breaking for you, too. There is no easy way to let go or say goodbye. I commend you wholeheartedly for giving her and her mother the precious gift you have. In the meantime, study Abraham and Issac and also the Atonement and find strength in them.


  2. so tough- but so awesome that you were able to give her a stable secure home for this time...
    That will be huge for her as she matures...

  3. Awww Linds, this is gonna be a toughy....for everyone. Thinking about you and your whole family. What a gift this litle girl has been to you... and you to her. You have given her such a wonderful foundation and start to life that she might not of had given her circumstances.

  4. Oh, sweetie, my heart is weeping for you.

    I know a tiny bit of the "letting go" pain from being momma to two missionary sons. Knowing I would not see my sweet boys for TWO YEARS was almost more than I could bear. But it is a good hard, like you say.

    I will be praying you thru this.

  5. Thanks wonderful friends...I cry a lot...just out of sheer love for this little girl. It won't be easy, but man is she worth every tear...and every smile. Love you all!

  6. My heart is sad....I can’t even imagine.
    As ALWAYS you are in my prayers.