Confession. It is days like today that make me miss my old life. There are days like today…
I LOVE MY KIDS…*most the time* I am really happy everyone is home safe…and I have nine munchkins safely tucked under one roof. Days where the sheer gratitude and blessing of my family overwhelms me to ugly, happy tears.
I get tired. Tired of the CONSTANT need that haunts my children, and now like a disease has spread to my other children. I am not talking about regular “attentive parenting” needs. I am talking about the wako, never-ending crazy needs that take all of my time and energy, that suck my old life, my old expectations, my old way of doing things away to another universe….I kinda remember.
The ironic thing is…on days like today when my kids were not home, rotting in an Orphanage, day by day adding to their trauma, and further drilling holes into their proverbial buckets… (I loved my kids O, and the people there …just NO child BELONGS in an institution, unless it is the last option. Which for too many it is) I was CRYING, praying, begging the heavens that my kids could be home, to join in the “family fun”. The eating of Heart shaped pancakes, Easter egg dying and hanging up stockings.
My newbies don’t do holidays well. In fact, any change, anything special is like a GIANT “kick me sign”. It will be sabotaged…Remember Presidents Day?
So today is Saint Patties Day which means Wearin’ O’ the Green and Eatn’ o’ the green at our house. Last year went pretty well the kids had only been home a little over a month, and were still in that glorious honeymoon period. (that was when I thought I could “do this”….sigh, I miss that confidence)
So while lying in bed this morning, I started the internal debate. To do the “Green Thing” or not. Do I have the energy for what today *may* bring, or don’t I? I debated,I cried, I prayed and the thing is…I have three children that are used to our traditions. Used to Mom going overboard on holidays. I am sappy; it is the “me”, the fun part of being a Mommy that I am not willing to sacrifice.
I got up threw on my Hubbies Mountain Dew T-shirt… (it looked clean) and found my bottle O’green
I am doing this for them…they don’t deserve to give up everything that they once knew, there are so few things that can be preserved from that life.
SO I brought it. Knowing the backlash is a comin’…so far, a thrown (and broken bowel) of green Oatmeal. One triggered teen, when reminded to “wear green” today. “We turned it around, but not fun to be called a “Blinking Leprechaun” (this is not what she called me.)
I am lying low today, not pushing school, after all it is only 10:30 and the two plugged toilets full of gifts, is such a lovely incentive to make Green Shamrock Sugar cookies. :0/
Two major tantrums over? …..Hubie and I trying to have couples prayers (he has a BIG job interview today)…and Cookie and Chatter not being able to stand Mom and Dad having the door shut….another pee party.
Sooo I am going to make cookies, keep PBS on ALL day…. YES this will be a day where I rely heavily on the fantastic distraction of Elmo.
Home Lunches will be Green Mac and cheese (ew) and Green apple, Celery w/ green cream cheese.
Click for links to recipes….
Dinner tonight :Green Ham, Bacon and Potato Soup, Green Dinner Rolls and for Desert, easy Key-lime Pie. (it is really my lemon cheesecake turned into a key-lime recipe. YUM!
Today, I am trying to not resent. Trying to enjoy the good, and ignore the
My family is my choice…even though their behaviors are not. I have the mild hope it won’t always be this HARD…heck it might be even harder (like when I have seven in their teenage years at the same time) OIE!
Please keep Hubs in your prayers …he has the interview at 2:30, Mountain Time…
and I just want to thank the many of you that actually read my ramblings, supporting me, and loving me through my flaws and massive blunders. I know many of this can’t do it alone. Even you lurkers…I can feel your love!!!
Happy Saint Patricks Day today!
Cause I’m not giving this one up!
TRADITIONS! Come on Tevia help a girl out!