Wednesday, March 16, 2011

"The sky is falling.....and it's PURPLE"....lets talk about LYING!!!

Is the SKY always "falling" at your house? Is it a GIANT production and the truth is NO WHERE to be found? Drama, Drama , Drama. Man-Oh'-Man can my shorties weave a tale!

Aww Papa Chicken, Beyond Consequences Logic and Control says you did it wrong Mr.! You shamed,and you used your feelings of embarrassment letting it fuel the treatment of your did not win the "Father of the Year Award" in Therapeutic Parentland,tick, tick,tick, too bad.

So many of us let the ANGER that naturally comes with being lied to rule our dispositions when yelling at talking to, accusing and punishing our children....being lied to SUCKS!!!

Loved this quote by Bryan Post at the Post Institute.
"The angry parent is not an effective teacher. You will only cause the
guilt, remorse, shame, and fear that your child is already feeling to be
redirected toward you, thus delaying the healing process of this
situation. It does not allow the child to internalize the feelings of his
conscience telling him he has done wrong, and urging him to take
responsibility for his own actions. When you become angry towards
your child, you get in the way of the lesson that is inherent in the problem, giving your child an opportunity to blame you for the
problem rather than taking responsibility himself. Don’t do this. It is a
rather common problem with both today’s and yesterday’s traditional
parenting approaches. Rather than discipline, which means to teach;
we punish, which only creates more stress and frustration that is then
directed outward, or sometimes even inward, which can be worse.
Bryan Post, Why Kids Lie,

LOVED his FREE (and YES I SAID FREE!!!) available on his Website
It is all about WHY chilren lie, and what we can do as parents to STOP the cycle.

Hello did you just love this part of the quote above?...Gonna be anoyong and repeat it:
Rather than discipline, which means to teach;
we punish, which only creates more stress and frustration that is then
directed outward, or sometimes even inward, which can be worse.

Which is more affective? Punishing our children or effectively disciplining our children, essentially TEACHING them!!!! LOVE IT!!!!
I am leaving it to my hero's today, cause I am too worn out to use my own perspective, so I will LEAN on those smarter than me...I NEED this reminder. and am just sharing the love.
Have you checked out Christines blog  & youtube vids...she is a trench master...she's been there, done that...and kids, she has GREAT virtual tools...stalk her, she won't mind! :0)


  1. We have been working with Gertie on her toilet paper obession. The toilet overflowed 3 days ago and flooded the whole downstairs bathroom...but 'I no do it mama'...okay Gert.

    Today wake up to the whole roll of TP again in the toilet. So I sit her and Geth down and explain that they have little baby private parts that are this big( showing them with my hands about the size of their bums, etc) and that their privates are not elephant size privates. They laughed and thought this was funny because I said only elephants use as much TP as Gertie uses.

    But oh man do I hear ya on the drama, whether its Irelynd's I hate my life, or Geth tattling that Gert farted at school...never ends ;)

  2. Christine is def a rock star of our RAD world. For sure.
    i'm so glad I watched this again....This is exactly what S does.....Great reminder!!!!

    What do you think of the Brian Post Oxytocin info???

  3. LOVE the Elephant bum reference Deanna!!!Your doing such a great job Mama! It cracks me up when you are all over the "who dun it's"...and they still play the "not me " game! You are so fun, brave and patient in all of your drama!

    Ericka, How old is your S?...My husband is a therapist and has a Masters and is also a LLCSW like Brian and Heather Forbes. I am VERY interested in the Oxytocin revolution. It makes sense on so many levels. I want to do more personal reading on it. I could see trying specifically with mt son Scooby. Scoobs has always stemmed (hummed, rocked back and forth and banged his back, and head against things) for many that is a mild sign of a Sensory Disorder,mild Autism....but all linked to the absence of Oxytoicn in the brain. ...If we give it a whirl, I will let you know. Have you looked at the use of Niacin? We use it and have for four months now. I can see a MARKED difference in two of my kiddo's....and I have even started to take it. It helps me be more steady and patient. I can feel the difference...I can't imagine how MUCH internally it makes them feel.

    I am considering getting certified in Becoming an Instructor to teach Brian Posts Intensive Great Behavior Breakdown Classes...there is such a need and NOT enough most books/professionals...I read and listen to A LOT and take what rings true to me and leave the rest...
    What do you find speaks, and helps you the most?