Sunday, February 27, 2011

He'll Carry You .by Hillary Weeks

Happy Sunday.
I love Sunday's. Correction, I used to love Sundays, the peace of the Sabbath, the reassuring words, and uplifting moments at church. The quiet peace of a Sunday afternoon home, with my family. I am desperately trying to get back to those days...not EXACTLY "those" days, but the peace, hearing any of church's uplifting messages, enjoying sunday afternoons, quiet optional , and not likley.

I can't go to church today, Hubby is not home, and I can't take all nine kids, and have them ready by 8:30, and juggle all that on my own. I am a little sad/and a little relived I don't have that battle today.
As I type this I am holding a screaming 2 year old. he doesn't want me. He doesn't want the love that I have for him. He has tried to head-butt me twice. my touch, my reassuring kisses stress him. I don't want his refusal of my love to hurt my heart, but it does.

Our Savior deals with that refusal for his love, his healing , on such a grander scale.

When what we do everyday ,takes everything from us. Our sanity, our belief things will be O.K....I have to remember, just as I am Heavenly Fathers daughter,and he loves me, he will help me fight this battle, he will lift me up and carry me,he loves my kids and wants them to be happy, in a loving family too, and he will send me angels in peoples clothing, that are malable tools in his hands.

How do I know this, because once not so very long ago, I got to one of those tools, and still am, just on a smaller scale. I get to be on the other side of service, what a lesson I am learning!

I was given such a gift this weekend. From a stranger. From someone that, bless her,let a prompting, and heart of gold, bless me. EVEN when I said no.
She reminded me that God knows my name. Thank you.

I have been amazed at the forgiveness, and unconditional love I am given.
If people can do that for me no matter how flawed I am as a mother, neighbor, wife and friend...I CAN DO THIS for my kids. Not with out help, earthly and heavenly.

I have to remember as much as this song is for me, for us parents,it is about our hurt children. He loves than even more than we do. he knows THEIR NAMES...he sent them us.

Soo just a little thought....a beautiful song , and a heart full of gratitude for it all today.


1 comment:

  1. I left a really awesome comment earlier and I think blogger ate it. Bad blogger! So, I'll try again.

    This post is absolutely beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes and made my heart sing! :-) Thanks for sharing! I think I'm going to have to post this video over on my blog.

    Hang in there! You're not alone and you CAN do this!

    Indeed, we are known by name and so are our children. Each are precious in His sight. What an amazing blessing to know the Atonement is greater than all of this and really does have power to heal it. As I've walked this long and difficult road, I've come to realize that through these experiences I've also been given a profound and eternal gift - and that is to realize at least on some small scale the true depth and breath and deeply personal nature of that Atonement and also to realize the price at which we were really purchased. I wouldn't trade those lessons for anything. They haven't been easy to learn. Sometimes they sting. But, nothing that's truly worthwhile in this life or that has power sufficient to bring us where we want to be in the next ever is.

    Your little one isn't rejecting you personally. He's TERRIFIED, and terrified, traumatized kids act very differently than terrified securely attached kids. He's a precious soul who's not yet had the opportunity to attach to another human being. His life experiences haven't taught him that big people can be trusted or that the world is a safe or predictable place. Approach him as cautiously and gently and with as much compassion as you would a feral cat. Remind him he is safe, you're not going to hurt him, and that you're here for him want to help him. He'll eventually come around and learn to trust.

    I heard a quote the other day that really made me think. "When God solves our problems for us, it's so we can have faith in his abilities. When God doesn't solve our problems for us, He has faith in our abilities."