Friday, April 8, 2011

Tornado Watching

I PROMISE, I will talk about the conference… I swear,I DOUBLE DOG PROMISE!!! BUT...ahem YES AND, that means I have to be thinking out of my frontal lobe, right Billy?...and since I am right now chillin’ in the back of my brain, wanting to be in my closet to hum and rock back and forth in a fetal position, rational thinking is not quite in my bag-o-tricks today…but being sarcastic and laughing at todays crazies, FABULOUS!!!!

Daughter is still in Respite, trying to work brain around her re-entry…getting close.
Baba-Faith is doing well, her Mama came over for dinner last night, it’s HARD and WEIRD, and just awkward on so many levels…when Faith fell down after walking around …she wanted me, and her Mama was right there, and I wanted MY baby, but she isn’t mine, soooo I bit the inside of my cheeks raw all night, and cried myself to sleep……so yeah, transition is going GREAT, and I am a big FAT booby pants!

Sooo again with the being STILL thing, because being STILL and doing nothing, are two completely separate things. It was almost eerie the day before last…like a mystical, calm before the storm, where everything gets really quiet and clear, and then. THE STORM OF THE CENTURY HITS…"yeah baby" (said like Austin Powers)…that is what is going down at my house.

Woke up this morning to this lovely view out my backyard window. Lets go with the positive first: makes it harder for runners…
Negative :now they get to be more creative.
Positive: It looks peaceful, and I am secretly hopeful Santa might show up and take me for a ride on his sleigh.
Negative: See the trampoline; I was really looking forward to using that as a “work out your feelings tool”.
Positive: Now snow shoveling can take that place….and, nope, that’s is that’s all I got.

In all honesty Mr. Sun NEEDS to make his celebrity appearance, and I am all for Ms.Spring showing her pretty face about NOW~!

So here is a little list, in case you are wondering if you too are parenting Trauma, feel free to add to the list, cause this could get GOOD!
Done in pure “you might be a Red-neck fashion”….


#1. You are doing a basket hold on your child for the 5th time today, and are totally psyched that while doing that you beat your high score at Tetris on your cell phone.

#2. YOU KNOW that ain’t no lemonade your child is offering you a cup of. ;0)

#3. You notice a tiny spot o’ pee on your new favorite running shoes..and you wear them anyway, cause who has the time to clean it off, and it’s only a little yellow spot.

#4You pay your kids in dum-dum suckers to find the hidden “previously used” night time diapers.

#5. Code sayings like “Hen has flown the coop”, “Papa squirrel, baby squirrel is MIA, or is going NUTS”, has true meaning, and is not as cool, even if you get to say it over a walkie-talkie.

#6. Well meaning people make you want to poke your own eyes out with a pencil.

#7. Like most people have the local movie, pizza places phone numbers on speed dial, you are that cozy with the local Sheriff, CP, and respite centers.

#8. When you ask your child to make one bag of Pop Corn, she POPs ALL 24 bags, from your favorite COSTCO stash…and is SHOCKED when you are not pleased as punch.

#9. You meet other PARENTS, Therapists, or people who “get you” and your family..and you treat them like a LONG LOST sibling (HELLO CHICAGO)…it’s like finding other veterans to a war you thought you were fighting by yourself…you are instantly smitten.

#10. Then you proceed to “name drop” other Trauma Parents names, like so many would use celebrities names…cause lets face it , we. Are. ALL. ROCKSTARS.

#11. You have blog entry titles like, “ What you do With Pee”, “The Case of the Immaculate Pee”, “When you Feel like NOTHING Works”, or one of my FAVORITES, “Holy BATMAN, I am tired of the Robbin’ going on around here!”

#12. Your idea of parenting tools, are songs, jumping on furniture, dancing like Elaine from Seinfeld and generally acting as CRAZY as possible, at all times…just for a break in the crazier stuff that goes down at your casa.

#13 Epic Sighing, Rolling of the Eyes, 100 foot long tales, and Grand Maul tantrums are considered, that of legends and the stuff of Olympic Sports.

#14. Family events, Holidays, Anniversaries, Mothers Day…any of these days should and. are directly followed by the "JAWS" sound track.
#15. Your child offers to help with Lunch, pulls out the Corn Dogs Grandma bought while Mama was gone, and cooks all 22 of them, while you are in the restroom, and getting babies up from their naps…instead of flipping a lid…you eat them for lunch, and whip those bad boys back out for dinner, with Birthday candles in them lit…and sing “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” as LOUD as you can off tune…any guesses what’s for breakfast?

Come on….lets keep her going, heck this started as a three item text…..Hope it at least got a couple people, nodding, laughing out loud, or at least relating….and YES…my day has been THAT awesome + some ….


  1. Caught up on FB before I saw this one.

    #16 - you laughed out loud at this list because you've so been there and done that and you KNOW people can't just make this stuff up! They have to live it.

    #17 - you cry buckets of hot tears when you read this list for the very same reasons you just laughed out loud about it.

    #18 - You find yourself being so very grateful for the technologly that brings all of us crazy parents together and makes all of us feel like we're not alone!!

    ((Hugs)) and hoping today is better for both of us!

  2. #19- The Red Lobster "Church Crowd" arrives just as you (white) and you daugther (black) leave and she is in a full on rage screaming... "You're not my mom, get off of me, get away, I'm calling the police" while you hold her to keep her from on-coming traffic. Yet you just smile and nod and hope those cameras out front don't link directly to Channel 7 news!

    #20 When you finally wrestle said child into the car she breaks down crying telling you to wreck so we can all "die" and you think to youself, "Not the worst idea I've heard today!"

  3. Holy.Cow.
    That is hysterical and sadly???? so true!!!!!

  4. corndogs can be eaten any time of day.... :)

  5. I love your blog. I love the humor and that after all of this you are still breathing! Hold fast.

  6. Funny funny funny! I am loving your blog.

  7. You notice the startled look of the woman shopping near you in Marshalls, when she hears you say,urgently, into your cell phone, "No. Whatever you do, DON'T call the police! You know what they did last time!"

    You don't miss a beat when your daughter says, "I'm going to murder you." in response to your cheery "Good morning!"

    You notice that this same daughter has put on no fewer than FIVE different outfits, parading them in front of her older brother's friends.

    Daughter yells strings of obscenities in the middle of the grocery store, and you say, sweetly (to the horror of astounded and disapproving on-lookers), "You must be really upset about something today. I wonder what could be making you feel so upset? Can you think of anything that might make you feel better?" You overhear elderly man suggest "A sound whipping" and ignore this advice.

    My HEAVENS! I'm SO glad I met you!!!!!

  8. YOU GUYS are A-MAZING!!!
    Sooo true Diana, cause I laughed and cried while writing this post....

    Quacknbaby...A-to-the-men...that could have been written by me, you gave me a good belly laugh, and I so know #20. Your one awesome Mama!

    Thanks for the love everyone, and Annie, our girls are from the same mold, so so sorry to say, but so glad I have you that "gets it"....your witty and wonderful and beautiful, and I am SO GLAD we met!!!