Peace Out Sugar!

Good bye Sugar Highs...and consequently Sugar Lows....

I dare ya to join me.
I am on a quest. More like a personal journey, O.K., O.K. ...If I can make it a week BOO-YA!
To say I need a lil' detox would be pushing it. I need a MAJOR "back away from the cookies, licorice, anything that is sweet" INTERVENTION.

HEY LADY STEP AWAY FROM THE SNICKERS BAR.(It doesn’t matter if they are snack-sized and frozen , if you eat TWENTY…you are eating 4 KING SIZE Snickers Bars)

How do I know? I get to a point, I feel like CRAPOLA. I find myself eating candy, treats, things that I really don't even *like*, at an alarming rate.

In truth, am I eating when I am stressed, tired , bored, need something to fill me up, yes folks , she (as in ME) is eating her feelings, and because her feelings are Crappy, she is eating C.R.A.P.

So I decided, before the glorious season of Easter Candy really hits hard , and those FABULOUS , Giant Malt Ball eggs , become my breakfast lunch a dinner...I need to STOP.

This is not about size, or being on a diet, so please no (oh Linds your a fine size, you don't need a diet *whatever, she's in her thirties folks*)
this is about how the refined, sweet poison makes me feel.
I feel gittery, anxious, out of sorts and just plain YUCKY.

Anyone wanna give it a go with me?
The goal is simple, trying to eat foods with less than 7 grams of sugar, or sugar alcohol, per serving. The first day is HARD...(Diet Dr. Pepper, is an awesome sweet tooth fix, as are Sobe Waters)...but I have found after the couple day hump, I don't crave it anymore. I am not eating mini snickers out of the freezer, like the junkie that I am.

I LIKE natural sugars more and am more drawn to something healthy , instead of refined.
Mmmmmm like a bowl of fresh berries, an apple with Almond Butter.
I AM NOT GIVING UP WHOLE GRAIN CARBS (I am not *THAT* crazy), or anything BUT refined sugar. Baby steps, Linds, baby steps.

It's like a little check up, from the neck up for me....just a little chance for me to screw my head on a little tighter AND LISTEN TO MY BODY.

Anyone want to join my crazy wagon?...I really want to give this a go until Easter.

Peace out sugar you Wiley-She-DEVIL...I don't need ya!

Monday Monday

Most Monday mornings....I can here the "Mama's and the Papa's" singing his song in my head.

I would LOVE to hear how you big/home schooling family Mama's do it!
I am wasted by the end of a Monday.

I start with wake up at:
5:00
Gym and shower get home by .....

6:30 Wake up older kids Breakfast Scriptures

7:05 Take oldest to early morning Seminary (Bible Class)

7:45 Scoobs and Bugs to school

8:00 Wake 6 lil kids

8:24 Pick-up oldest, drop of at therapy at

9:00

Run Home
Dressing, feeding breakfast , clean up for lil kids

10:30 Pick up oldest (Everyone is fully clothed and in car)
11:00 Tutoring for oldest
12:00 Tutoring for Chatter (We do lunch somewhere between now and later)
1:30 Pick up of Bugs and Scooby
1:45 Therapy Appointment for Chatter
2:24 Therapy Appointment for Scooby
3:30 leave to take Papillion to Dance (way across town)
4:00 Get to Dance (try to do Homework in Van while we wait)
6:00 Finished with Dance
7:00 Dinner
8:00 Baths and Bed Time
8:30 I pass out in my clothes,knowing I still have laundry and dishes...

Yes for the entirety of Mondays this is my "Home away from Home"

I should LOVE my van...I really am grateful for it. I HATE to drive it. May it be known in the Blogity Universe...I am NOT the best driver...and driving a BUS is scary! Parking it is a nightmare...trying to see behind you requires a neck that can spin around at a CRAZY degree (ever seen The Exersist)....backing up requires prayer and pure FAITH.

Lets just say I drive like I spell...all the best intentions in the world..but lack in the execution.
Add a car fully loaded with LOUD restless littles, and a tired Mama...I must have Guardian Angels surrounding us whenever we go out!
Minus the smell of petrified chicken nuggets and it being the home to abandoned toys, and random mismatched shoes...It gets us where we need to go.

I did get to read and FINISH this today:

So YEAH!!!! I will be going to book club this Wednesday knowing my book, and not just for the Papa Murphy's Delight Pizza...(hope you have seen these commercials to get that joke...) Hardy har, har.


Anywho...Hope ya'll are surviving your MOnday, Mondays...I am daydreaming of a nap just about NOW!

Linds

The Root of The Trigger, and appolgizing for what we CAN'T change.

Kiddo's with Trauma, get Triggered. Once a stressful situation is presented, the Brain sparks and starts referencing past trauma. It is not logical, but to them the pain, the fear, the anger, is so raw and tangible, they can FEEL it, whatever it was, a combination of sad, bad and scary, all over again.

Can I just say HOW PROUD I am of my teenager? How much YUCK, she has let me delve into with her and swim around in? She is amazing. She is so BRAVE.
She is learning to stop and let me calm her down enough to reach into her brain.

We have rules that help our eleven member family operate better, they may seem silly, or strict or nonsense to the outside eye...but hey, they work for us.
One is shower and bathing times. *Some* of our children *Cough* Papillion *Cough* like to shower until the warm water runs cold...
So she may shower to her hearts content at night, after the littles are in bed.

Well Miss Papillion HATES and I mean HATES most rules. There is a fear behind the defiance. I know that, and unless it is a HUGE issue we work though it calmly...or ignore the behavior. She suffers plenty of natural consequences for this and some days it takes biting both cheeks, my tongue and duct taping my mouth shut to let her do this.

Case and Point:
Saturday Morning:
Hubs had a funeral to go to, I had Laundry to run, dishes to do, and little kids that needed to go potty.
Pappillion has her own bedroom and bathroom (with her own shower) in the basement, but for some reason she was three stories upstairs, locked in the little kids bathroom taking a century long shower.
5 little kids came in and out of my room to use the pot, cause they couldn't get in their bathroom.

(ERRRRRRRRR)

I took a deep breath, check to see if there was any hot water left, NOPE....she would be out in a minute. I say a quick prayer, granting me patience...and go knock on the door.
"WHAT", says she.
"CHATTER", I ask.
silence
"No, it's me Papillion".
'Oh, is your bathroom broken babe"?
silence.
"Can you come out sweets".

An angry daring child emerges.
I can already see she is Triggered, eyes are glazed, jaw is set.

"Sup Woman"?

and the outraged ranting begins
"What is your problem, I didn't doooo anything, why you have to ask me why I am in the bathroom, I can do what I want, you are stupid, your rules, I HATE your rules, It's not a big deal that I wanted to shower"...lalalalalalalalal...

Can you feel my deep chested “SIGH”, here we go.
The little kids are starting to collect at the sounds of the yelling (they will be triggered soon too)...I "help" Papillion to my bedroom for a chat, and sit, while she lets me have it.

I guide some of the anger, by asking questions.

"I know you HATE me, right now, and HATE our rules when it comes to showering, is there another time you hated being bossed and having rules"?

SHE STARTS SOBBING NOW.

" I HATE people like you, people that think they are the boss of everyone else. People that think they are important by making people other people feel stupid, and poor, and not as good. Just because I am an Orphan, and have NOTHEING...you think your rules will break me, make me think I don't deserve what I want, never, that will never happen".

I calmly ask her, who are the people that are like me, that have hurt you or made you feel small with rules"?

"A school teacher, and a head Nanny at the Orphanage".

(WOW! BREAK THROUGH. NO WONDER SHE HATES RULES, THEY WERE ONLY IN HER LIFE BEFORE, TO KEEP HER IN HER PLACE, TO MAKE SURE WHERE SHE WAS IN THE HIGHARCHY OF HER LIFE, EVEN IN SCHOOLS , CHILDREN WITHOUT PARENTS WERE TREATED DIFFERANTLY. RULES KEPT HER FROM NEEDS, NO WONDER SHE IS GOING TO FIGHT AND STOMP ON EVERY LITTLE TEENSY "RULE" SHE SEE'S AS A THREAT!)

Now comes the parenting: what I call, "Bringing her back down to earth".

Said calmly, and non threatening,
"Honey, I can really see why you hate rules, and maybe even why you think our shower schedule seems unfair and stupid, you feel when you want a shower, you should be able to have one, whenever, wherever you want."
"Papillion, I can see how MAD you are at me, and feel I am just like those other people that only want to hurt you and keep you in your place. Can we talk about the difference in the way I am talking to you, compared to the way they spoke to you?"
Did those people, bring you somewhere quiet and safe, to talk about it. or did they just yell at you".

"They yelled at me, in front of other people and kids", she hiccupped.

"O.K. How bout them asking you about your feelings and how you felt about what happened"?

"They didn't CARE about me and my feelings".

I scoot closer to her and put my arms around her. "Sweetheart, I am so so VERY sorry, that they hurt you, and embarrassed you, made you feel stupid and poor, and not important. I am so sorry that I was not there to care about your feelings and FIGHT for the things that you needed. I LOVE YOU and I am SO SO Sorry that you felt like they hurt you with their rules."

We both cried, her for her pain and loss, me for the times I didn't get to be there for my beautifully hurt child.

She pulled back and said, "You are not like them Mom, I just forget that when I get Mad".

I smiled and told her "I understand, that's what I am here for, to help you look at things sometimes, so you can REALLY see them for what they are".

We did talk about how her shower was inconvenient for our family.
I gave her some tools.
I explained if she REALLY felt like she NEEDED to shower in the upstairs shower (her reasoning is the downstairs shower is cold, cause it's in the basement)....we could have worked something out.

So we practiced her asking... (Oh and AFTER her LOATHING of RULES, comes her COMPLETE distain of having to "ASK" for something).

"Mom, the downstairs bathroom is cold, and I would like to take a shower this morning in the little kids bathroom".

"OK Papillion, Dad has a funeral to go to this morning and needs a shower, so do you feel you can wait until after he is done, and then I think that would be fine. While you are waiting, why don't you check and see if any of the little kids need to go potty, before you are in their bathroom?"

She smiles, and asks, "So you would have said "yes"?

"Sure".

I ask her if even though it is hard, can she see that she was triggered; her feelings this morning were more about things that had happened before.

She DID! SHE GOT IT!

Do you hear the angels singing?

It was HUGE for both of us.

Therapeutic Parenting takes time, it takes LISTENING to what your kids are really saying. IT TAKES A LOT OF PATIENCE.

We can do this, we can name the hurts and injustices, and we can help see when our kids are triggered.

Have a great Sunday~!
I am home watching girlie movies with four sick kids, while hubs takes the other five to church...

Friday update of the "Purge"

I would share more pictures...but, let me just say...you don't want to know! I am successfully getting rid of one third of most rooms!
The linen closet, check. The laundry room, check. Peanut butter and Cookies room and clothes, check. ALL of the shoes (imagine around 300 pairs), check, coats and jackets, check. Papilions room, check.
Kitchen office, cupboards and School cupboards, check.

So I still have mine and hubbies room to go.
Diva and Chatters room and clothes.
Dude and Scoobs room and clothes.
The kitchen, Play room.
The storage room (Uggg) is half way there.

I have to say it is AMAZEING the time you save, not shuffling through the junk you don't need clouding up finding the stuff you are looking for WOWZA's!
TOOO MUCH SHTUFF!!!!

SPRING CLEANING vs. Give up and just light a match

Soooo I may or may have have totally lost it on my family had some inspiration last night and started unloading closets, drawers in a frenzy, completely organized rational way, and started my mid life crisis, spring cleaning.

Dear old "Before the Invasion" House,
I remember you; I can barley see the skeleton of the well organized, clean, a place for everything, and everything a place house, you once were. Like so many things I didn't appreciate you then. I thought nicer carpet and leather couches would make me like you better, but alas, I miss those days. Now I would settle for not having marks and holes in your lovely walls. Minus the petrified boogers on the walls the paint color is quite pretty. No bleached stains on the carpet, where a well meaning child has meant well by trying to clean up their own pee. Doors with hinges that work are days of the past...and yet I just have to say "Thank you", thank you for taking all of the abuse my family has to offer. Thank you for giving my kiddo's security, a warm place to sleep and some pretty incredible memories.
I have learned a house is not just four walls, it is a place I may never escape from HOME where my children, can grow, learn to love and heal in.

Love Always,
Linds

SO THE GOAL:
We doubled our home by half the people last year...with that came many donations, extra clothes, shoes and toys. We. are. drowning. in. crap.
So I am pledging HALF, O.K. more like 1/3 of the STUFF and THINGS in my home, (that just add to the stress and to-do's I could be giving time to my family instead)...IT is OUT OF HERE. I mean it, I am getting rid if half of our clothes, half of our toys, the kitchen utensils I don't use, so I can find the ones that I do....IT. IS. TIME.TO.SIMPILFY.

So if ya know where I live...and you see flames, I gave up....THERE WILL BE AN EPIC YARD SALE, one the likes of this Po'dunk town aint eva seen before!

My goal is to donate, half to a charity/Orphanage (I will have to pray about it) and the other, for a family trip this summer.

HERE WE GO...and just in case anybody got a match?

The Fruit of Parenting

A VERY wise and beautiful mother sent this to me last night. She said she needed it and figured I did too....I bet A LOT of us do.
In the grand-scheme of things after the kids are raised and you look back, what is left, is you. Gloriously flawed,smarter, stronger you.

My kiddo's are hard, but if I looked at my life from a far, I would see...I laugh, almost as much a I cry. I PRAY more. I seek strong, honest , trustworthy people as friends. Life becomes way more about quality not quantity. More about good, healthy moments than the "things". What a life lesson.

So today is "ODE" to what I have learned from my kids. The gifts parenting a large family, dealing with a menagerie of strengths and weaknesses on an individual basis, and the pearls of wisdom, the strength, empathy and gifts they give me, by letting me, Lindsay, this totally messed up person whom has her own junk to figure out, be their MAMA!

What I have learned from my kids:

* Life is preparatory, right now may be the hardest it might ever get, but be prepared it may get even HARD-ER.

* If it is yellow, it is probably pee.

* Hard isn't BAD, it's just HARD.

* 7 different versions of "what happened", may not always help you figure out the truth.

*Make the Good moments count.

* Be who you are at home, in Costco, at church, cause, the real you is who you are the most.

*God makes up the half you don't.

*Pull-ups should never be washed and dried, EVER.

* Healing is universal, there is no time limit, wounds can be reopened in a NANO-SECOND. HANDLE WITH CARE.

* Dancing whenever, however you are dressed (or not dressed) when you hear a beat, always can put a smile on your face.

* The people who don't approve or support you, were never worth it anyway.

* Assume any time a five year old has "washed their hands" soap is optional.

* No matter , how big, little, flawed, gifted, rich poor, undamaged, or damaged...assume we are all just people, doing the best we can....because we all have been damaged.

WHAT A GIFT my children are to me. The life lessons they teach me can not be learned in the greatest of universities, they are my pearls of wisdom, particularly crafted for me by my Father in Heaven.JUST. for. me.
I just have to listen well, endure long enough, and allow patience to rule my heart,for me to learn them.

Mama's:
Promise me you will Always remember; You are Braver than you Believe,Stronger than you Seem and Smarter than you Think.

~Christopher Robin to Pooh

Calgon Moments and other Random stuff....

Really Sweet Cheeks? A lil' pillow fight through ya over the edge? "Welcome to my world Grandma"...your toes would be PRUNES if a pillow fight required Calgon Therapy!

I has been a Rage-a-licious day. Hubbie called and asked "how's the day going"...silence.
"Wow...so ya wanna tell me the details"...

"Nope".

"You need anything"?

"One way ticket to Mexico would be nice" (I'm just saying)

We can have GOOD, EVEN GREAT days, days of our definition of "normal". Which fools me EVERY-TIME..into thinking, "Hey we are getting it" .... I'm such a SUCKER!
I can have a straight run of two or three days, with out a 2-3 hour tantrum...and then I can have days like today.
It is AMAZING how the triggers that come out of nowhere!

For teenagers it can take a hormone surge,you simply asking a harmless question, you (heaven forbid) making them a Sandwich , when they a (gasp)wanted a bagel. Harmless my !*& when the rest of the day is shot with a steaming, grumpy, defiant person that melts you with their laser beam eyes.

"We are a Happy Family"...sorry, out of habit.

The hard thing with having bio siblings, or adopted siblings from the same O, or simply kids that had trauma in common (My duo that trigger each-other the most are my Domestic Scoobs and Pappilion) is they Trigger EACH-OTHER. If we have one problem in the morning, solve it, smooth it over (and this took MONTHS of practice to pull them out if there rages and help them turn their days around.
We have a 100% chance of THUNDER and LIGHTENING the rest of the day. It is like the chaos in their brains SPARK.

So yep...
Today started with Scoobs, ticked that Bugs wrote that competition essay, due today (that I had offered to help him with)...We were printing it off and getting the Cover page done...and he starts in with "I WANTED TO DO AN ESSAY TOO".

I hugged him "Bummer Dude, I offered a bunch of times, and I can see that your upset, we could write it just for us, today after school".
"NO I WANT TO WRITE ONE NOW".....sooooo yeah,after a gruesome half hour, he pulled it together to be able to go to school , but it was a L-O-N-G morning.

Next came Diva. I was out last night,playing Bunko having intellectual stimulation next door.
Some sweet friends , who mean well , showed up with treats and for a surprise visit.
Diva, spent the whole time trying to get the Friends Husbands attention, "pick me up, pick me up"...which is a major no-no at our house....

Hubbie sent the kids to bed , without addressing it, soooo I needed to. I tried to in a VERY gentle, non-shaming matter...and this is how WELL it went:

And yes DIVA is famous for shoe throwing....and no, not just at doors, hallways and down stairs. I have a lovely purple bruise on my right arm/elbow.


BEWARE...cause though she is supposed to keep the rage'n in her room.....We. Have. A. SNIPER. IN. THE. TOWER.

OH YEAH...
This was all before the little kids breakfast.
Sets quite the tone for the day eh?

Next came Senior Poopy pants, his lil' M.O. is taking his diaper off and filling his pants (in this case his footsie Jammie)...so bath-time,screaming, biting ...fun.

Kids dressed, fed, CLEAN UP Time....

Cookie is my quiet but deadly fella...He does not pull his own weight in the clean-up department, and his trigger is simple as "Go clean up your room", even if you send help...he will play with a toy, find something interesting to do , but NEVER joins in. This makes his siblings angry, and resentful....
If they come up to tell on him..He is already SOBBING and SCREAMING, cause "they were mean to him". Yes this sounds normal, but did I mention the crying lasts 2 hours?

School time, a little page, a little rage, a little pout, a little shout, via Chatter, struggling over learning Rhymes,....that ended up with a broken book, a torn up homemade game....and P.B. sobbing in protest.

Bummer Chatter, you had a field trip today, you are screaming so loud , the Therapist could not hear over the rage for me to cancel and say you would not be coming....I think she may have figured it out.

AN hour later (LUNCH IS GOING TO BE LATE)
We had a big girl talk. I didn't shame, I was sad with her that she missed her Field Trip, natural consequence toots. We figured out, she wasn't really MAD at Peanutbutter, she was afraid, that because Peantbutter was picking up the rhyming game faster than she was, he was smarter and she was dumb. We cheered, we hugged, what a brave little girl to talk about her FEELINGS....

While this was going down, Papillion must have been missing out on the action , casue look up to see her putting on her shoes, walking to the frount door....
"Where ya go'n darlin", says I.

SLAM, says the door.

"Freakn' Awesome" says I , under my breath.

So I LOCKED the child outside, she will come back when she is cold....or maybe walk back to her home country. Oh well. (OK sooo I didn't do that REPEAT: DID NOT DO THAT...but sooo TEMPTING)

I was a GROWN-UP.
I went after her....because let's be honest...she wanted/needed that attention, and *IF* she had the tools , she would have said "Mom, you have given the little kids A LOT of attention today, and I feel left out."

But that is NOT how we roll. NOPE.

Sooo she was walking to the van, and sitting in the passenger seat "getting a book" so she says.
Well Sweet child o' mine....lets practice answering Mom, before you stomp out of the house....so we went back in and tried acting it out again. She was tooo agitated to participate...so with a little help from my friends.."The shorties", they took turns being Mom, and Papillion....Diva does an AWE SOME Papillion impression. Peanut butter's "MAMA" impression was wa-ay off.
They were hilarious!

We changed it up with them answering as their big sister...

"Hey Darlin' where ya going"...

They're answers,

"Be right back Mom, I'm going to go get...
a Doughnut!
a Pony!
MARS!

She was still steaming, but cracked a lil' smile....we are still working on the Embers...but the blaze is gone.

Sooo anywho...there we are, lil' miss Calgon, you ain't got nuthin.
....but ya know a bubble bath tonight , does sound DIVINE!