So, It's midnight, I was cleaning out
my closet , donating those items I haven’t worn in a year...or
finally getting rid of those items I swear I will wear “someday”,
but passover every.single.time I walk into my closet...Hausta La
Vista baby, packing to move can be soooo cleansing....
Anyway, anyway...sex, right? The topic of this whole derned blog post?
The other day I was invited to a BUNCO party/game thingy at my neighbors house. It is a dice game , that is simple, based on luck and finger foods. Most of all women socialize and snack. Anywho, before the dice were tossed, a women at my table brought up that she was a 5th grade teacher , and the girls in her class were about to begin the maturation talk.
She mentioned that the boys in sync WERE not only not going to be in the room ( that's fine) but were NOT getting a talk of their own....because well, girls mature faster than boys.
Interesting. I don't agree, but you know, interesting...
Then she also proceeded to tell me that the school district had a policy that the speaker was not ALLOWED to say either the word “Penis” or talk about actual penetration.
“WHA?excuse me? Other than The female cycle and change that comes with puberty, what are these poor girls going to learn about ACTUAL sex?”
“Well we CAN talk about how sperm fertilizes and about the egg, because we talk about eggs and the menstrual cycle and why women have eggs to begin with.”
ME: “ But no Penis, with the sperm, no direct explanation on how said sperm might “get” to the egg and how that happens WITH penetration?”
“No, none of that”
“That.is.crap.”
Here lemme borrow that soap box.
Number one, regardless of how conservative of a community we live in, these kids live in a world and time of constant communication and information, they already “THINK” they know about sex. Sex according to the media. Sex is what happens on all of their television shows, or between their favorite celebrities, or according to their friends..so the ONE place where they can get accurate, scientific information is failing them ...in hopes of being what? Modest? Conservative? Not offending their parents? Now I one THOUSAND percent believe kids should be learning and having questions answered about sex, and maturation far before it starts happening , and preferably by their parents, but if not....hello it is basic biology. Biology that most 4 year old children “get” if they live on a farm.
I have a three year old daughter, just like she can point out her elbow, she knows where her vagina is.
To her an elbow and a vagina are BOTH simply parts of her body. Does she know certain parts are to be respected and she has all say over them, ABSOLUTLEY, and she also knows the appropriate name, of those parts.
BONUS. If anything ever, and heaven forbid it happen to violate any part on her, she would have the appropriate words to describe what happened.
Educating our children is protecting them.
If our kids know the ins and outs of sex, is that giving them a permission slip to start sleeping around? Absolutely NOT, you can apply education with whatever moral, safety or other wise values, beliefs and precautions you want. I think the education is vital SUPPORT to the “why” in the moral hand hold of abstinence or safe sex. If a girl is old enough to menstruate and get pregnant ...shouldn't we be using words like “Penis and penetration?”
I mean bumping Who-ha's and We-willie-winkies, can make a baby , just as easy as a Vagina being penetrated with a Penis? Sheesh, don't you think the correct terminology is something we should teach our children out of respect, for them? Teach them about the possible life they could be creating in the loss of information we are giving them, in the name of “protecting them?”
Lets be open, lets answer questions. Being responsible means education, when we hide things and words from our children, we are not creating an environment in the protection of innocence, we are creating “the unspoken”, something that is dirty, or shameful...and I am sorry but Sex IS AWESOME, and fun with the right person, and I sure don't want to screw that up for my kids for the rest of their lives....
So lets talk about sex.
Lets talk about all the good things and the bad things, that. may. be.
Lets talks about sex with our kids.
Anyway, anyway...sex, right? The topic of this whole derned blog post?
The other day I was invited to a BUNCO party/game thingy at my neighbors house. It is a dice game , that is simple, based on luck and finger foods. Most of all women socialize and snack. Anywho, before the dice were tossed, a women at my table brought up that she was a 5th grade teacher , and the girls in her class were about to begin the maturation talk.
She mentioned that the boys in sync WERE not only not going to be in the room ( that's fine) but were NOT getting a talk of their own....because well, girls mature faster than boys.
Interesting. I don't agree, but you know, interesting...
Then she also proceeded to tell me that the school district had a policy that the speaker was not ALLOWED to say either the word “Penis” or talk about actual penetration.
“WHA?excuse me? Other than The female cycle and change that comes with puberty, what are these poor girls going to learn about ACTUAL sex?”
“Well we CAN talk about how sperm fertilizes and about the egg, because we talk about eggs and the menstrual cycle and why women have eggs to begin with.”
ME: “ But no Penis, with the sperm, no direct explanation on how said sperm might “get” to the egg and how that happens WITH penetration?”
“No, none of that”
“That.is.crap.”
Here lemme borrow that soap box.
Number one, regardless of how conservative of a community we live in, these kids live in a world and time of constant communication and information, they already “THINK” they know about sex. Sex according to the media. Sex is what happens on all of their television shows, or between their favorite celebrities, or according to their friends..so the ONE place where they can get accurate, scientific information is failing them ...in hopes of being what? Modest? Conservative? Not offending their parents? Now I one THOUSAND percent believe kids should be learning and having questions answered about sex, and maturation far before it starts happening , and preferably by their parents, but if not....hello it is basic biology. Biology that most 4 year old children “get” if they live on a farm.
I have a three year old daughter, just like she can point out her elbow, she knows where her vagina is.
To her an elbow and a vagina are BOTH simply parts of her body. Does she know certain parts are to be respected and she has all say over them, ABSOLUTLEY, and she also knows the appropriate name, of those parts.
BONUS. If anything ever, and heaven forbid it happen to violate any part on her, she would have the appropriate words to describe what happened.
Educating our children is protecting them.
If our kids know the ins and outs of sex, is that giving them a permission slip to start sleeping around? Absolutely NOT, you can apply education with whatever moral, safety or other wise values, beliefs and precautions you want. I think the education is vital SUPPORT to the “why” in the moral hand hold of abstinence or safe sex. If a girl is old enough to menstruate and get pregnant ...shouldn't we be using words like “Penis and penetration?”
I mean bumping Who-ha's and We-willie-winkies, can make a baby , just as easy as a Vagina being penetrated with a Penis? Sheesh, don't you think the correct terminology is something we should teach our children out of respect, for them? Teach them about the possible life they could be creating in the loss of information we are giving them, in the name of “protecting them?”
Lets be open, lets answer questions. Being responsible means education, when we hide things and words from our children, we are not creating an environment in the protection of innocence, we are creating “the unspoken”, something that is dirty, or shameful...and I am sorry but Sex IS AWESOME, and fun with the right person, and I sure don't want to screw that up for my kids for the rest of their lives....
So lets talk about sex.
Lets talk about all the good things and the bad things, that. may. be.
Lets talks about sex with our kids.
Some resources we use as a family, and my husband as a therapist recommend.
And you now have my permission to go youtube the Salt n' Pepper song running through your head.
It's O.K., I know you want to.
This is a hot button for me, too. I wish I'd talked with my daughter about it more before the school dog and pony show. I had no idea how SCARED she would be to learn just about the monthly cycle. I thought we'd talked about it. I thought we'd done a good job. NOT! We've since repented and made SURE she learned everything from us before learning it at school. Mechanics and names are taught in 7th grade in these parts, BTW. Unlike when they have the talk in elementary school, though, parents aren't involved in this one. They can also talk contraception all they want, but they can't talk abstinence. Go figure. :/ We also didn't make the same mistake with the boys, either!
ReplyDeleteI completely agree- and I would rather beat the school and my kids' friends to the punch and be the ones to bring up all of the things so I can tell them the truth- before they hear all of the untruths.
ReplyDeleteWe refer to everything by it's proper terminology- and since most of our family loves animals, animals don't care who they are doing what in front of, so the "wild kingdom" is a great way to talk about reproduction and the basics.
What I get most frustrated about is when people leave out educating our children on the emotional and psychological damage that can be done by not making good body choices. Just as (or more) important than just the body stuff. There is an excellent book called Hooked by Freda McKissic Bush (and others) about how having sex, or beginning to do anything sexual too early actually affects the brain (male and female) in a bad way. It's a short little book chock full of info... I heard about it on the radio, and it is science- not Christian based.
So we come at it from all different viewpoints in our house because I want my kids to have all kinds of weapons in their arsenal.... what the Bible tells us about purity, what science tells us about the importance of waiting until we are old enough, health wise what can happen to our bodies, and emotionally. Not to mention that our choices as pre teens and teens WILL most certainly affect our future spouses and children some day. We are responsible to them, even if they aren't even in our lives yet. We will be looking them in the eye some day... what do we want to be able to tell them? We talk about this stuff all the time. And so far, my teenage girls are sharing what they know with their friends, who don't see the "whole picture".
I was just watching the View the other day and they were arguing about whether it was good to teach kids the proper names for their parts. One lady said they called her son's penis "weewee"... seriously, wee wee isn't more embarrassing to say than penis? Get over it already!
Real names for the parts!
ReplyDeleteReal conversation about the actual mechanics!
Truth! Truth! Truth! in everything!!!!
I refuse to lie to my children...ever...about anything. I will always tell the truth. And you are so right, when information this important gets left out, it increases shame and confusion. It is not truthful.
awesome post!
Proper terminology is right in general - but I don't see anything wrong with taking things with a bit of humor or a grain of salt occasionally. But I don't think sex is an appropriate topic for school [or, ONLY in Biology class with the limitations that suggests] because sex is much MORE than biology and ought to be placed squarely within the context of the sacred (and of course nothing SACRED can be discussed at school).
ReplyDeleteOne of the things I do at my church of which I am most proud is a Mother/Daughter Conference where moms and their daughters explore their own relationship, build trust, and move into a factual presentation of these facts with emphasis on mom being the "go-to" person. When I went to one of these with my older daughter (even though at that church it was presented very poorly), it broke the ice and enabled me to do my job without being embarrassed or clumsy; it really was super.
I do think that boys tend to develop later, but in the parent child conferences the timing can be appropriate for each child rather than "because you are in fourth grade"....which can further upset kids who are physically and mentally younger.
Annie
Amen!!! I could not agree more! My son was 10 when he came to me so we were already behind where I would have liked to be in these conversations... but when he started asking questions I answered, and then I went looking for a book for him to refer to in case there were questions he didn't want to ask, and I found myself completely APPALLED! I went to 3 bookstores and found almost a dozen different books written for boys that discussed boys ONLY. They discussed puberty and wanting sex and some of them discussed the basics of female puberty but none of them taught basic female anatomy. Seriously. At the point that a boy is ready to learn about puberty, masturbation, and sex, they also need to learn about menstruation, pregnancy, and the difference between a vagina and a clitoris. (P.S. the book I ended up buying which I LOVE is #4 on your link-- "It's Perfectly Normal")
ReplyDeleteAMEN AMEN AMEN sista!
ReplyDeleteThat is how we learned it around 1970 in Utah. I came home and asked my Mom and brother how the spermatozoa gets to the egg and they just laughed at me and wouldn't answer. So I had to ask a friend who's parents actually explained the truth to them. So you see a lot of kids don't learn it from the school or at home. Then everyone is so shocked when THEIR child gets pregnant. Wake up people.
ReplyDelete