Tuesday, June 28, 2011

But your going to be a FREAKING Butterfly !!!!

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over...she became a butterfly".

This quote has always reminded me of my oldest. Hence why her nickname is "Papillion", french for Butterfly.

This post isn't really about her, but it is. It isn't really about adoption, or parenting, but just about loving someone. The pain of seeing the potential that they can't or don't or won't see in themselves.

As friends, parents, spouses, partners, humans....we desperately want and look for the good, the better, the "final destination" for the "who" or "what" they can be.

"If only we knew the absolute brilliance of the life we've planned for ourselves. If only we could see the bigger picture for what it is and stop messing with the details. If we saw the truth we would know that nothing is really ever lost. And that which feels like it is, is necessary for the growth of our soul."
~words of wisdom by Marcia Petie Coleman

and...sometimes we want to shake them by the shoulders, and SCREAM " you are better than this, you have sooo much potential!" But what is potential?
Is it a definition of what we have for someone else, to make them be what we want them to be? Can that be a selfish, expecting someone to be something they may not be capable of being?

I have a hurt and broken child, I want to hug them, I want to protect them,run away and stave off all of the hurt and broken, and fix and heal, and make whole what has been made un-whole. I want to scream in their face, "knock it the crap off and be healthy, your going to be a FREAKING butterfly DAMN-IT"!....and I can't do anything at this point to change or heal, or convince them of this....am I being selfish in wanting this? No. Is it going to work? no.

But instead of "potential"...I am going to stick with what was left in Pandora's box when everything else escaped, because that is about where we are scraping bottom bucket here...and "HOPE" , is really all that is left.

If all I have to offer is unconditional love, will it be enough? maybe not. But it is what I have, and this never-ending hope.

When we chose to love someone, it is a choice we keep on making everyday, sometimes every second, even if it makes us feel like hamburger, raw, red and GROSS.

“Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen.” ~anonymous~


  1. One of my favorite lines from M*A*S*H is from Colonel Potter "When you love someone you've got nothing but trouble. So either you gotta quit loving them... or keep on loving them a whole lot more."

    But if that doesn't help... try this one "I am going to live through this even if it kills me." -Klinger

    I love you and am praying HARD for answers and help to come your way SOON!


  2. I'm on a roll....

    "You ever had one of those wars where everything goes wrong?" -- Hawkeye

  3. Lindsay,
    I can feel the love in your words.
    Praying for strength in this journey. You are doing right by Papillion and your family.
    Remember: Ma maison est ta votre maison ANYTIME!!!!