Sunday, July 3, 2011

The Matching Game

My little Chatter is a mess. Since big sis has flown the coop, we are one afraid little chickie. We are using all of our push-em away tactics to keep everyone sufficiently spinning and crazy. Can’t say I really blame her, she is terrified.

Part of Attachment symptoms are the inappropriate reactions our kiddo's can have. In my sweeties case everything is WAY over the top. ….”the winner of best Actress in performance of a drama goes to” type reaction….drama, drama, drama.

So after a generally great evening, water play out side, picnic and park…we came home and instead of going to bed,we started stick-poking Peanut-butter…and he wasn’t buying any of her crap, and gave her a good wallop.

He’s five, “a wallop” is an opened hand smack on the arm….and yes he got an earful, a “sit and think” and needed to apologize…not that he had the opportunity for a good 45 minutes…since the wailing and raging and general exorcism screams of a crazy person lasted that long.

We were calmly escorted outside, ya know so the neighbors could enjoy it too, we threw every object that could be thrown…watching a seven year old try to pick up a that’s nighttime entertainment!...we screamed and cried and wailed and banged and drooled…you get the picture…and I calmly sat, sipping on my DDP…enjoying the cool night breeze…and waited. Then waited some more, then calmly prompted, with “when we are ready we can go back in”, babies are sleeping so I want them to feel safe”….and so on…

45 minutes later she came and sat on the stairs with me and put her head in my lap, “pretty tuckered out there babe?”

“Yeah Mom”.

“Do you know what matches with blue?”…..


“That’s SOOOO RIGHT”…and she looked up and smiled…and asked…

“what matches with green?”

I asked, “I don’t know what do you think?”


“Bingo babe-doll”. and a elbow nudge.

“How bout Red and Brown, they match?”

“Nope, they aren’t the same Mom, you know that.”

“Can I ask you something else Chatter?”

“yeah Mom”.

“If you took that shovel over there and whacked me with it and all I did was say “Ow”, that hurt a little, would that match?”

“Um no Mom, that would be a BIG CRY”.

“Gosh your smart peanut!...What is you flicked me with your fingers like this (flick)..and I start screaming that my arm is broken and I need to go to the hospital…(I am acting this out)….”Does that match?”

She giggles and says “No , Mom , that would be silly that is just a little hurt, you are lying, if you say your arm is broken”.

“You are so right, miss smarty.”

“Can I ask you something else?”


“Well I can see how you were pretty MAD that P.B. hit you, it would make me mad and feel bad too, right?”

“Yeah Mom, it hurt and made me Really mad.”

“O.K. Thank you for sharing that with me….my question, since you are so good at the matching is, did what P.B. did to you and how you acted afterward “match”?”

She got quiet for a minute, her eyes got really big and she said “No, it did not”.

I told her how proud I was that she could see that. I told her it is always my job, whether the hurts are big or little to help her feel better about them, but how she reacts to those hurts are the only way, I can really know how big or little they are.

“Can we work harder on matching Chatter?”
…..”yeah Mom, I will see if I can do that, if I get confused can I ask you?”

“always, sweetheart, always.”

Now go play this game….you smarty pants you……


  1. Having sat through just such overly dramatic wailing fits before by an attachment challenged child, I am impressed by your calm and by your after-conversation with her. Kudos.

  2. Good work. We've had those similar moments here too. Sometimes my calm is on, others, it is like I get my own little PTSD fit going on! It's hard, but it gets easier with time and patience........finding patience takes A LOT of patience though..... :)