Sunday, June 5, 2011

There are days….

There are days I want to SCREAM:”Uncle”, “Seriously”, “You really think I can do this and everyone will survive”….”REALLY”….there are days I want to run away…days I hate the Mom I have become, and days I am darn proud of myself that all nine children are tucked in bed, ….unbeaten….because to those of you who wonder how I don’t spank, scream at …or “lose it”…sweet people…I do, and then I hate myself even more. I don’t do it often…but when I do…it’s a doozie…and then I resolve to do better.

There are days I cry in beauty of a moment so tender, words can’t explain the giggle that escapes Diva’s lips as I lift her to see the precious gift of baby birds in a hidden nest, the same little Miss I would visit in an Orphanage …and for three visits …would/could. Not. Even. Smile.

There are days I choke on sobs in my closet after cleaning up blood, poo, pee…or self induced vomit, and think “This is really my life….I want to see the sign up sheet and make sure it is really my signature.”
There are days I look at my children and wonder…”Are you ever going to be safe enough, to face this Big Bad world on your own, without getting yourself hurt, or hurting someone else”?...and there are days the healing is almost tangible…..I LOVE those days.

School is out and we are in transition again. Let me be clear….”I HATE TRANSITION”…because of how it impacts my kids and the Wompas behaviors that come to play…and what I mean by play, I mean terrorize and destroy.

Last Saturday was one of those days… a child was so dis-regulated, being in our home, being around our family…heck BREATHING in and out …was a BIG FAT Trigger….so we had bathrooms to clean, grass to mow… piles laundry to swim through…and we chose to DANCE…

We got the heck out of dodge..and Danced…we got outta there…we left all of our shtuff….and did the Ho-Down….we went to the FARM…and not the Funny one.

We called Grandma and asked if she needed a “special helper” for the day..or two…cheap manual labor there anything Grandparents don’t love more?
We loaded up, we drove the 30 min into the boonies…and what do ya know…we had a FANTASTIC DAY..and by the way...stuff fried in FAT...always makes the day better...mix it stuff ya' never do.

Princess Dis-Regulation stayed for a day and a night, honeymooned all over the blinkn’ place…and came home a lil’ bit better…and the rest of the kids were WACKED the next day….but I planned for that…and had nothing planned, and it wasn’t half the tornado it could have been the day before…

I have often had friends call me at night…saying “I blew it today, they are all finally in bed…and I CAN’T even IMAGINE what tomorrow is going to bring since today was so gosh darn awful…Linds what do I do”…and I say DANCE…knock em off their game plan…wake em’ up in P.J.’s…pick up a greasy-breakfast-take-out and go on an early morning hike in Pj’s…or trip to the playground ..your kids will think you are a Rock star….and will forget their “plan”…..Shake it up, Move it on up, Dance….cause at that point what else do ya’ll have to lose?

There are Days…and peeps…I soo get that …so instead of being paralyzed…worrying about the mine fields and time bombs and not wanting to move an inch…. Do the BOOGIE. ….even if on occasion you gotta have someone sit out a song er two….

There are days….


  1. Lins, I love reading your blogs so much. I know you sometimes/all the time forget how truly amazing you are. Everytime I read one of your posts it puts me back in check with myself and reminds me again of what we're doing here and the end goal. Thinking of you all and sending love/hugs :) xo

  2. You are spectacular, dear.... I hope I remember this little bit of advice, because so often my instincts are just the opposite - to in hope that if I don't move "IT" won't "get me".


  3. Love you Deanna...and you are just...if not WAY more Amazing! How I wish we lived RIGHT back at you!

    Annie..the great IT is always looming...which ius why I enjoy messing with least that way, somedays ...I still kinda get to be in charge.