Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Hard isn't BAD, it is just HARD

Since moving; writing, sitting down, finding time, and that time me wanting to flip on the computer and type has been close to impossible.
Oy the pictures I have to download.
New house,unpacking, realizing I didn't downsize enough, getting a garden in late an Orchard, assimilating 8 children into a new home comes with a lot of time spent simply surviving.

We are seeing such a dance of things,healing, hope and new behaviors that freak me the crap out.

Like sand through an hour Glass..... THESE ARE THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES.

Introducing our family with it's wack-a-do dynamics makes it “interesting” while trying to assimilate our kids socially into new neighbors;

~“Ignore the little girl raging and hiding in the ditch, she'll come out soon, oh and here are some new cookies, nice to meet you.”~

We y'am what we y'am.

My husband within his new job( he is a Clinician with a MSWLC) in being referred children and families coping with attachment issues and trauma.
It has been interesting to see once again the lack of resources available to families.
The desperation, depression and helplessness that so many parents walk into his office with.

So many of us are not alone.

There are many many tools we are digging back out of the closet.
“Yay me” is used daily.

“Even though I stole a candy bar, and chose to have my desert early, and am not having ice cream with the family, I still get to stay up and play, “YAY ME.”

We also are working hard outside daily.
My severe ADHD lil guy the other day came in after running around all morning and declared, “Mama there is SOMETHING WRONG with my eyes, the are itchy and won't stay open.”

“Buddy, that is called “being tired”.

I love summer.
I love the excuse to be outside from sun up to sun down.
I love the real laughter I get to hear when my children can check their anxiety and trauma at the door and just.be.children.

There are moments I see this for them.
Moments I close my eyes and listen to them work and play together.

Moments when I see the three years of slow progress and patients for all of us is molding us into a family.

There are still moments of control and fear winning the battle that day, moments where I let my fear of their future over ride the progress we have found.

Truth be told, if in those moments I can embrace that fear, and honestly recognize it is not about making or morphing my children into perfect individuals but helping them find their healthiest way of coping, because we all need a safe way to place our stress on something, I can keep on walking with them, not chasing after them, or wanting to run away, but walking with them.

This whole parenting a combined family is not what I thought it would be.
Even on a good day.

It is way harder. It is way more lonely. It hurts, pushes me to limits I didn't know I had. Makes me fear for the future, and all around wears me out, even on the good days.

What I can promise is the good days get more and more prevalent, but the hard days will always be there, and you have to make friends with both, they both need to be welcome, they both are part of the process.

One of my favorite quotes I think of on particularly HARD days.

Hard isn't BAD, it is just HARD.

And there you have it.


  1. "It is not about making or morphing my children into perfect individuals but helping them find their healthiest way of coping"

    Thanks for this post! I needed to hear that!

  2. Great post! Great things to keep in mind for ALL kids, not just RADishes. Its awesome that you all are in the country, what a positive move. Maybe the suburbs were too full of rules and boxes for you all? with a little space kids can have meltdowns and not disturb anyone, that's a bonus! The physical labor sounds so very healthy for all the kiddos. I'm still sad that you all moved but it sounds so positive I get it. wish we could have visited you and your family again in pocatello. Private domestic adoption can have its ups and downs, I call my kids 'alphabet soup' kids and one of the kids is actually prescribed physical labor! Something to do with her sensory disorder, she needs the heavy work to calm down. Granted at her age, its small heavy work but it makes me wonder if physical labor helps calm your kiddos down. signed: Chris who used to be down the road from you all