Yes, You may absolutley Run Away....

 

 

 

I said that.
While driving home from my kids therapy appointment last week.
“Yes, you may absolutely run away.”

You see, this ‘running away thing’ has been a ’thing’ since this kid was three.
He would get over stimulated, or mad, and take off.
Naked, with one sock..whatever…he was shoeless joe Jackson in the making.

This same kid, likes to hide.
Now, all of these things, not fun, or good, but then  add a lil’ thing like type one diabetes to the mix, and I was dealing with a runner and a hider could kind of welllll die, if I didn’t catch them or find them in time.

So last week as we drove home from therapy, while as usual processing what was being worked on, what homework he had, and what still seems to be tough issue, the running away came up.
I point blank asked.
“How come you run away, can you help me understand what goes on in your brain?

“I am mad. Usually something bad happened at school and I am sad/mad, and don’t want to be anywhere. I want to get away. I want you to KNOW I am running away and having big feelings. I want you to worry, so I won’t be the only one feeling bad!”

“Wow, thank you for sharing that with me, dude, that was really honest and insightful.”

“yeah”

“What if I told you,
“Yes, “yes, you may absolutely run away.”

He just turned and stared at me, confused.
“Don’t you love me anymore.”

“Oh baby, I do, I am just trying to really listen to you and what you need, and I think I have an idea….
What if, I told you, yes, you can totally run away, whenever you need to, but we have some ground rules…”

“Like what?”

“You have to come in from the Bus.
“You have to tell me you are running away”
“You may run away to anywhere on our property.”
“You will have a back pack packed with a blanket and snack to take with you…”
and…need to tell me which place you are hiding so I can come out and check your blood sugar on the half hour.”

“Can I still scream that “I am running away” and slam the door?”

“Absolutely.”

“Deal”.

And we shook on it.

This week he has ran away three times. Twice to our out building and once when it was raining to the old pick up cab. ( I may have left a note that it was raining and this would be a dry option to run away to)

Our kids’ behaviors have need and feelings behind them.
We can’t always stop a behavior, but maybe we can reign in those boundaries, and still give them room.
Sometimes when I can remember, it isn’t exactly the result that they are looking for, but the action, in the doing. I needed to put on my big girl britches and remember “HE is NOT doing this to ME, he wasn’t running away from ME, in a way, he was asking me to join him in his feelings, of feeling out of control.

 Our little people don’t always have words for how they are feeling, but they absolutely find ways to speak it…our job is to listen, to meet them where they are at.
We found a way to help him get what he needed, in a way I could support, and feel much less panicked about…and sometimes that is as good as it gets….


and in my world, that looks an awful lot like winning.