Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Boobs and Brains #stigma

This week is Mental Heath Awareness week, as well as ADHD awareness month. October 10th, tomorrow is National Depression Screening Day.
Between having a husband that works in the Mental health field, and parenting live specimens. I have thought a lot in the last 4 years about the stigma awareness brings.

I have written about it.
Actively trying to normalize, honestly speaking about my and my children's challenges without shame, without fear, openly.

Last night I was bundled up watching the boob tube with my fella, kids all in bed, it was a 1940's drama, one of the characters recently returning from the war.
He was having delusional visions, flash backs and being triggered by fire works.
In the show they called it combat fatigue. Recommending a month of drug induced sleep so his brain could sleep.
GOOD CRAP doesn’t that sound delicious?
Really much of it was, they didn't know WHAT to do with these soldiers coming home broken, society didn't except them, and resources were nil to nothing. Almost 70 years later, are we doing much better?

More is known about trauma, ADHD, and mental illness, more medications, and therapy are available than ever before. But still the stigma clings to the not talking about it.

October is also Breast Cancer Awareness month. I see pictures of pink ribbons, reminders to self check my Bazzombas, commercials, hell even football players are wearing pink, and HOLY CRAP yeah, that is awesome! But my question is , when did it become more socially acceptable to talk about Boobies more than Brains?

I have amazing friends overcoming Breast Cancer. I see adorable pictures of kids holding up signs saying “last chemo treatment”. All make me cheer, my chest tighten with empathy and eyes burn with tears, because we are human and over coming suffering is something we all can relate with.

But when it comes to one of the most common obstacles? Depression, bi-polar disorder, anxiety, conduct disorders as a result to trauma, and ADHD? Very, very little.
There is still so much shame, and embarrassment attached.

My friends that have kids overcoming their last chemo treatments should be able to stomach their friends with kids who's wrists are healing from attempted suicide . They are the same. They are both frightening , possibly terminal issues. Hard is Hard.

Kids that break their legs and have adorable colorful casts posted on face-book, may never know the pain of the seven year old that wishes she could die, because she had a bad day and was called ugly at school, or worse, nothing happened and organically she just feels this way.

All of this has a voice.

Am I asking for you to walk a picket line? Wear a T-shirt that says “It's cool to be depressed” or post descriptive issues you are not comfortable on face-book ?

Nope.

Facebook post A:

Photo: Math with Gage often looks like this. Begins with jumping up and down while answering questions,  next he will sit on the stool, backwards, upside down...or stand on it , bending down to click on his answers.
Sometimes he needs laps around the house in between lessons.
Today he was standing on his head.
"Hey buddy whatcha doin?"

"Sometimes when I do math my brain falls into my butt, so I have to stand on my head to get it back to my head, thats a for reals problem mom, right? Does your brain ever fall into your butt?"

"All the time son, all of the time, and it is a for reals thing...just ask our Congress." ;)
#ADHDhomeschoolin
"Math with Peanut-butter often looks like this. Begins with jumping up and down while answering questions, next he will sit on the stool, backwards, upside down...or stand on it , bending down to click on his answers.
Sometimes he needs laps around the house in between lessons.
Today he was standing on his head.
"Hey buddy whatcha doin?"

"Sometimes when I do math my brain falls into my butt, so I have to stand on my head to get it back to my head, thats a for reals problem mom, right? Does your brain ever fall into your butt?"

"All the time son, all of the time, and it is a for reals thing...just ask our Congress."
#ADHDhomeschoolin
"


Facebook post B.
My son with a mood disorder was raging in his room and I posted this:
"Scooby is in his room, jumping on gis bed, trying to calm down listening to his Neil Diamond CD cranked all the way up, singing "Love Potion number 9", belting it.

You can't train that kind of awesomeness, it is magically in his bones.
#lovethatkid
"

and my favorite:
Photo: Rough night of low blood sugars and night terrors over here. (Weather changes do weird things)
Mable May ( our Saint Bernard puppy) came in with me at 2 a.m. and wouldn't leave his side to go back to her bed.
This is what I found at 5:30 a.m. after another blood sugar check. 
#canyouhearmyheartexploding
♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥

Facebook post C:
"Rough night of low blood sugars and night terrors over here. (Weather changes do weird things)
Mable May ( our Saint Bernard puppy) came in with me at 2 a.m. and wouldn't leave his side to go back to her bed.
This is what I found at 5:30 a.m. after another blood sugar check.
#canyouhearmyheartexploding "
♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥♡♥



I am asking you to open your mind, actively not shudder, shy away from or think someone is over sharing when they talk about mental illness. Walk into the thought, turn it over and ask why it makes you feel uncomfortable, question and make peace with it. That is how we slowly change a Stigma, by asking the feelings questions.

How can pictures of breasts with pink ribbons (which I have not an issue in the world with) not be considered an over-share, yet someone saying they are feeling depressed, or worried about their Bi-polar daughter considered an over-share,and something that should be 'private'.

So for me this month...I am going to Actively and honestly share about our, ADHD, trauma, mood disorder, eating disorder, conduct disorder, depression, anxiety, mental health stuff....in real, beautifully messy ways.
That is how I am going to celebrate October.
Bring on the Boobies and Brains I say!

<3

6 comments:

  1. Great post!

    Why is it more acceptable for those of us with adopted kids to discuss their ADHD, R.A.D, mental health issues . . . than those whose bio. kids struggle with the same things??? (I know several ladies who have bio. kids dealing with serious mental health issues.)

    Why is it more acceptable for us to talk about our adopted kids challenges with depression . . . than our own??? (I have several friends on meds for their own bi-polar or PTSD challenges.)

    Why is it unacceptable for women at church to admit "my marriage is not perfect. we are in trouble. i'm struggling with depression." ???

    Thanks for sharing your messy life with us . . . and not being shocked when you discover that our lives are messy, too.

    Laurel
    mama of 12

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks so much for this post. So true and so honest--I love it. Thanks for reminding me to open my heart!
    Love, Karin

    ReplyDelete
  3. I once ran in a Race Against Mental Illness. We got t-shirts and magnets that stated "Mental Illness is Not a Choice." I sometimes wonder what people think when they see that magnet on my refrigerator. (I outgrew the t-shirt long ago). I applaud all the anti-cancer races people organize. I wish there were more anti-mental-illness-stigma races.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Amen sister. My last year in med school I helped organize a mental health awareness week though we craftily called it "wellness week." The suicide rate of physicians is higher than the general population but we are taught from day one of med school it's weak to admit to mental illness (or actually any problem ever!). I agree with kareydk wholeheartedly. I watched a breast cancer run from my window last weekend and was excited to see such a showing in a tiny town in rural CO, but I wish there had been a little bit of green out there too.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I read your blog from time to time (have some catching up to do, lol) and I ALWAYS applaud your honesty--you keep it real and I appreciate that! So in that spirit, I will tell you that even as an adult, I struggle with shame at times. My current "battle" is: I am on disability and have been for about 11 yrs now thru no fault of my own. I was diagnosed with PTSD, Major Depression, Panic Disorder, Anxiety Disorder and, at one point, Borderline Personality Disorder. I firmly believe that at least a good part of this is due to being sexually abused for many years by several perpetrators (incl. an ex stepfather) spanning most of my childhood. Because I decided as an adult to take former stepfather to court in a civil suit for the years of abuse, a LOT was stirred up for me--and the court case spanned years. I could no longer work. BUT, when able, I went to college part time and earned two degrees, graduating summa cum laude and magna cum laude respectively. (Social Service degrees) And, one of my open book finals I took on a psych. unit after an overdose.
    Today, I am ready to re-enter the workforce. But do you think I can get hired? NO! I have tried positions in retail (I have over 15 yrs experience in one dept. store before they went out of business). I have 5 yrs experience (before my college degrees) in mental health/respite care. But now, finding an employer willing to look BEYOND the gap in employment and just give me a chance is very difficult. I am so discouraged!
    So I totally "get it" and I agree--brains and boobs should get equal time. Please keep encouraging your children to stand tall and keep up the fight--I know you will because you are a fierce mama warrior! Hugs, Lori

    ReplyDelete