Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Crack and SPLAT or " Don't talk to your kids, and tell them that they shouldn't go and do bad things...."

“Don't talk to your kids, and tell them that they shouldn't go and do bad things...”

So are you saying I shouldn't talk to my kids?


Are you saying I shouldn't tell them they can't or shouldn't do bad things?




So here’s the thing. Majority of kids suffering from Early Childhood Trauma have the bonus of some kind of Sensory, Auditory, Second Language, Attention Deficit, Anger Management, “Thingy”.

How often is your anger or frustration at your child, focused simply on “He KNOWS better”, he HEARD what I said and WENT AHEAD and DID IT anyway.”

Have you ever wondered if there is a lapse?
A lapse in what you thought you said.
And how they heard it, interpreted it, understood it?

I know, I know, wait...give me a minute before you shut your screen, click off this blog, and start to argue with me as if I am in your living-room.

For the record, If you are a fed up, unheard, misunderstood parent, I am on YOUR SIDE.
YOU are probably completely justified in wanting me to SHUT THE EFF UP, I have NO clue how frustrating it is, your kid does bad stuff on purpose...

I am just asking; 
"Are we sometimes in our language to our kids setting them up to fail?"
Maybe I am the only one that screws this up all of the time?

BUT if you, like me, perhaps, maybe, are capable of such sentences:

“Don't go to school, and be naughty and cause problems for the teachers.”


“You are not allowed to be in the Grocery Store and steal candy-bars.”

“If you go out side, you will be in HUGE trouble if you fight or are mean to anyone.”
Then maybe, you can hear me out for a lil second?

The English Language is CONFUSING.
If you really read the sentences above what am I telling my kid not to do?

Don't go to school? But wait they are?
Not allowed in the Grocery store? We are standing here looking at the Peanut butter.
If I go outside? You shooed me out here?

O.K. So the first thing you told me NOT to do I evidently “am good to do”....but not the second thing?

Wait, huh?

Is it possible, us, exhausted, hovering, “see the train wreck coming from miles away”; are far too used to speaking to our children in double negatives?

Now, math genius that I am NOT,but I even know two negatives multiplied makes a positive?


I mean maybe.
Right, most likely they do...

Yet studies show kids, specifiably toddlers are compelled to hold onto and remember the last 4 to five words of a command. ( how often do we HAVE TO explain to our kids LIKE they are toddlers?)
Which is why we as parents are told to keep commands short and exact.
What if the tail end of what we are telling then “NOT to do” is what cycles in the recesses of their brains?

Then what is on repeat is:

“Cause problems for the teachers, cause problems for the teachers...”

“Steal candy bars, steal candy bars, STEAL CANDY BARS.”

“Fight or are mean to anyone, fight or are mean to anyone.”

well crap.
I mean I can admit, I for one often enough times, as an adult trip myself up while juggling eggs across my kitchen...”do not drop the eggs, do NOT DROP THE EGGS...and 9 times out of ten, do you know what happens.


We all have read the crap on the “Power of Positive thinking”, blaughigity BLAUGH....

But maybe there is some truth in the practice?
Some of us see those darling reminders on Facebook, saying; 
“The way we speak to our children, becomes their inner voice”.

…...and “some of us” may want to throat punch the sappy clueless dope that posted it...because you are cringing that five minutes ago your kids inner voice may have been a harpy like shrieking and a shrew-fest freak out that went down, on your whining , lying 9 year old, before you escaped with your nose into Facebook.
Yeah, I would know NOTHING about that.

Still I am being mindful, today. Probably not tomorrow, since tomorrow is Wednesday...
I am actively working on not “not setting my kid up”. See again, double negative...but stating what I hope for them, what they CAN repeat in a healthy pattern in their heads as they head out.

“Hey you, Be kind to your teachers today.”

“Sweetness in the grocery store lets work on keeping our hands to our-self.”

“Go on outside and HAVE FUN with everyone use loving and happy words.”

Wow, I kinda said the same thing.
I might be wrong, this post may be total crap and not helpful at all.

Don't use it, don't listen to what I might be trying to say.

But you know, you could give it a try.
Give it a try.


  1. Luckily I learned this very quickly when we brought Steven home 5 years ago- he may be able to say a lot of English words- but he was not comprehending nor able to figure out a lot of what we were saying. When he entered kindergarten the next year I warned his teacher, "he is like Amelia Bedilia, very literal, say exactly what you need him to do." She laughed at that, but only a couple of weeks into school figured out I knew what I was talking about :)

  2. Amelia Bedilia - haha love it.

    When our older kids were small they were climbers at the playground. Instead of saying "don't fall" I would say, " be careful" or "go slow" because I did not want fall fall fall fall echoing in their heads.
    Last year while we still attended school I would tell J have a great day, be kind, be an encourager, help your teacher ...

    Great reminder. I will try to keep it front and center tomorrow.

    Even if it Wednesday.

  3. So good to remember! If only I could REMEMBER all the things I "know" Hah! I will TRY to do this in the morning, but with how oppositional mine are (I "only" have 3 little PTSD/ADHD/DD/RADishes, not 9) I never know if my "encouragement" is just as likely to create a backlash, ya know what I mean?

  4. You NEED an easy print button, lady! I have to share some of your posts with the hubs...and make extra copies so that I can look at them and etch them in my brain. Seriously. Thanks for the gentle reminder...because I sooo need this one! <3

  5. LOVE it!

    My kids came home from Ghana speaking "perfect" British English. Oh.So.Cute. But . . . comprehension was severely limited.

    5 years later . . . my 14 year old daughter still has severe lack of comprehension/processing skills.

    So sad. So hard.

    Laurel :)

  6. :) Love it. Can't wait to try it!

  7. OMG! This makes total sense and why am I so stupid to not have caught onto this almost a decade ago? Duh!!!

    I am going to think carefully before I open my mouth of the positive things I want her TO DO before I speak them.

    Thank you so much for sharing. Great advice. :)

  8. ahhh, this is such a hard one to remember in the moment, but you're right.
    don't lock your sister in the bathroom---
    or... doors stay unlocked? knobs are for turning?
    I always had a hard time with that one.