"TOO MUCH"

School Started and well, we went from the “Land-o-Crazy” to the “Land-o-Insanity” via transitions. Transitions for my kids SUCK.

School ending, school starting, the wind changing directions, different brand of toilet paper, eh you pick…new, different, unexpected = terrifying and scary…and new grounds for breeding chaos….YAY for me….

Chatter is in school, mainly to protect the other children from some of her other more traumatic behaviors. Also, she triggers very much by the sight, smell, or thought of me, so she activates that frontal lobe way more often when she is less tempted to battle with Mama. Breaks my heart, but is what it is, as we work for a majority of our interactions to be therapeutic, fun and healing ….not that, that has happened since August 15^th, 2011.

Because school started and we again are in the boundary testing, chaos creating, triangulation attempting zone until dust can settle, and we feel safe once again in our new environment….poor little thing. ( I can say that right now, she’s not home, raging)

We have rages, like 3 hours everyday, the works… while this transition resets itself, while her little brain once again gathers that Mom WILL pick her up everyday, she will have food at every meal, and all of the adults in her life are on the same team.

Much like a toddler learning safety rules, what “no” and “hot” and “Ouch” means…my sweeties, didn’t have that modeling. They often don’t KNOW HOW to process thoughts or feelings, and simply have reactions, and in hindsight have very little understanding of what or why the reaction was..because 90% of the time it is a trauma reaction, their hearts are beating 1000 X a minute and they are in “fight,/flight and lie” mode.

P.S.I HATE this mode.

My kids steal. They steal EVERYTHING. Food, Money, Cash, my toothbrush ,phone chargers, each others toys, random and necessary crap…All. Of. The. Time.

It is a tangible way for them to feel like they are controlling their worlds. I know that.

It makes me Crazy.

Some days I just want to scream…you are holding onto that TWO FOOT ROPE for dear life (their survival behaviors)…and granted you deeply believe that the two footer  is the only way to keep you alive, it has for this long..

BUT

I have this AMAZING life long rope, that will never fringe or break…if you will just let go of that death grip on the one that is really not working for you and try this one out.

PLEASE….

SO baby steps forward and Monster steps back…we try on new tools.

One of Sophs past favorites for stealing was the visual of “STOP (put your hand flat out in front of you) and THINK” (point to your brain)….sounds simple…but we practiced this …over and over again, me leaving something out…acting like I was busy…and she would employee this tool. She really has done an amazing job with this little tool….My other kids didn’t even want it in their belts…they are not ready.

Our latest tool came on a rough Saturday Morning…Diva and Chatter were given “Shoe Duty”…to take all of the shoes out of the “Shoe Basket” that lives by my front door and , make them friends (match up the pairs) , and take them home, put them outside of the owners bedroom door. (we don’t enter rooms, or closets for safety and stealing triggers).

Chatter had been weepy all day, some days you can see she is carrying a couple bricks of Trauma in the invisible backpack on her little shoulders.

I loved one of the visuals a conference that Heather Forbes gave…that our children are a proverbial FULL glass of STRESS all of the time.

 Where we have the ability to wake Empty (no Stress) or half way full (Pretty Stressed), they are toting a full glass ALL of the time, so it takes VERY little for that glass to over flow….and Over flow it did on that beautiful Saturday Morning. Diva, accidentally matched shoes up WRONG.

The weeping turned into Sobs, and Screaming and lashing out, and I had to intervene before it got physical. To help her regulate I pushed down on her shoulders…and simulated deep breaths and the saying “It was Too Much “, wasn’t it little darlin’ “Too much”….and that was when our new tool was born and it has been used everyday since for all of my kiddo’s…heck I have used it.

How often is that Straw that broke the Camels back…IT.

 YOU. HAVE. HAD. IT….and you take “it’ out on “the one final IT that send everything else collapsing”…..just the other day..I had a CRAP filled day, and my husband came home and he had forgot to bring home Soy Milk….and the Grand Total of my Crappy day unleashed on him.

I had “TOO MUCH”!

We say that at our house now.

“TOO MUCH”.

When our anxiety level gets to high and we have had it. Not towards anyone, though, someone taking a pencil, or knocking down the blocks may trigger it, the truth is …the over flow happened, and the last thing was not responsible for the over flow…It just is…

“TOO MUCH”.

We SCREAM IT….we Paper Punch it..we jump and hoop and run and cry the

“THE TOO MUCH” out.

Try it…it is quite validating as a 32 year old woman today, as my strap on my grocery bag broke and out fell a jar of Artichoke hearts on my sandaled foot..and there in my drive way I Stomped my ever lovin’ foot and SCREAMED ….

“TOO MUCH”….and felt much, much better.