tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836394109152759629.post1174209358265224477..comments2023-06-25T01:21:49.003-07:00Comments on Home: a soft place to fall: symp·to·ma·tol·o·gyUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836394109152759629.post-64608533016687071852012-09-24T19:54:55.965-07:002012-09-24T19:54:55.965-07:00Wow, this is awesome! I can't tell you how muc...Wow, this is awesome! I can't tell you how much this resonates with me. <br /><br />I thought I was all healed from my childhood trauma until I adopted my son. Turns out we both need some healing. Turns out I lose it quite often, and he reminds me gently that he needs me to be calm so he can be too. How about that? In learning to help him with his issues, I've also helped myself when I didn't think I needed helping. <br /><br />Has anyone else had ugly pushback from their extended family? Like people who want to say you were a fool for adopting special needs kids? People who want to pretend your kids aren't even part of their extended family? People who want to treat you like a pariah because your kids have issues? <br /><br />Or worse, people who suspect you of bad motives? Like, since they can't imagine themselves adopting and dealing with a difficult child, then there must be some underhanded reason why you would do so? <br /><br />It's really heartbreaking to me, and also, of course, to my son. It's poisoning our relationship with those family members. Right now we just stay away from them and do our own thing. Should I try to heal those connections with extended family? Is it worthwhile? Or is it best to just let them go? Anyone have any experiences to share?Tatianahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14093572344825878310noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836394109152759629.post-38833879708549355642012-09-20T20:34:12.600-07:002012-09-20T20:34:12.600-07:00I love the popcorn story. You're doing it righ...I love the popcorn story. You're doing it right, what ever "it" is!The Accidental Mommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00409271721074309249noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836394109152759629.post-81775378223493918862012-09-20T17:03:21.012-07:002012-09-20T17:03:21.012-07:00Love this...love you.Love this...love you.Nobodyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10069092362642089990noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836394109152759629.post-66027548392086250132012-09-20T10:45:59.472-07:002012-09-20T10:45:59.472-07:00Oh...yes! Love your insight and am learning, learn...Oh...yes! Love your insight and am learning, learning, learning to be a better parent and a better me- slower than I'd sometimes like, and in between Hershey's Kisses and too much computer, but still learning.Mama Drama Times Twohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04935810256080795505noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836394109152759629.post-62676395590834743752012-09-20T10:35:26.862-07:002012-09-20T10:35:26.862-07:00I've noticed many of the same things at my hou...I've noticed many of the same things at my house. It's a healing journey for everyone. I get so bugged when people tell me I'm "a saint" or that I "saved those kids." Reality is I'm no saint. I know what goes on at my house. I know how many times I've lost it. I know how many times I've had to walk away so I didn't keep escalating things. And reality is, yes, we took the kids from a different life and gave them a new one with more opportunities to make something of themselves, but we didn't do it do save them. We didn't do it for charitable reasons. We did it because we wanted more kids. And while the journey has been hard...REALLY HARD...the truth is that our kids saved us and have taught us more about live and living and love and acceptance and healing and making a marriage and family work than anything else ever could have or ever will.Dianahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03849344624149724426noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836394109152759629.post-59119583045368620042012-09-20T09:51:17.871-07:002012-09-20T09:51:17.871-07:00oh so timely. as usual.
:-)
♥oh so timely. as usual.<br />:-)<br />♥Eileenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01713517263930814808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-836394109152759629.post-74571054882406671312012-09-20T09:46:36.911-07:002012-09-20T09:46:36.911-07:00The most important thing my adopted children have ...The most important thing my adopted children have taught me is that I need to heal as well. <br />Before I adopted, I knew I had gone through lots of stuff as a child.... I thought I had dealt with it and was ok... I was wrong.<br /><br />So we all heal together. And my kiddos who have grown up in a stable (well, until trauma came to live)home, have been able to learn about the world and how it really operates, and what we can do to make a difference. Starting in our own home.<br /><br />I had an hour long talk with my biological son last night. We talked about addictions and how he might be addicted to being sad and frustrated all of the time. He likes the attention when he throws a fit and acts like a victim. We talked about needing to replace those feelings with other things that will ultimately feel better. We also talked about how our job.... all 10 of us... in our home is to help each other learn and grow before we are sent out into the real world.<br /><br />Our house is a social experiment. We try something, we royally screw it up, and we try something else. We figure out what makes life more pleasant, and we share that with each other and we try to repeat it.<br /><br />"use your words" might need that tattooed on my forehead.... and then written backwards too, so when I look in the mirror I can read it... instead of throwing an internal tantrum and shutting down emotionally- maybe *I* can learn to better communicate the way someone just made me feel.... I'm working on that!<br /><br />I got teary eyed reading about Cookie offering to share his food..... given food is our Haitian sensations love language- I know how freaking HUGE that was. HUGE.One Crowded Househttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06646904151810368442noreply@blogger.com